A Birthday Reflection || 30 somethings...

(written on my birthday, 25/05/2025 - it's just taken a bit of time to share...)

Today, I turned 31. And to be honest, I’m not feeling very festive.

Yes, I’m grateful. 
Grateful to still be here.
Grateful for the kind souls who messaged me, fussed over me, and found small ways to say, “Hey, you matter.”
That love doesn’t go unnoticed.
But beneath the surface-level smiles and polite thank-yous, there’s this low hum of sadness I can’t quite name.

Birthdays have always been weirdly loaded for me.
They come with the weight of reflection: Where am I now?
Am I where I’m supposed to be?
Do I feel proud of this chapter?
There’s this unspoken rule that birthdays should be bursting with joy and gratitude - but sometimes, they’re just… heavy.

This year feels especially complicated.
A little existential.
A little blurry.

It feels like someone pressed pause on the version of life I thought I’d be living by now.

It’s not a crisis exactly. But it’s definitely one of those “Wait, how did I get here?” moments.

And that question doesn’t come with easy answers.

Growing Pains in Your Thirties

There’s this pressure in your thirties to have your life sorted.
To know who you are.
To be financially secure, emotionally evolved, career-stable, relationship-wise.
And when your life doesn’t tick all those boxes, it’s easy to start feeling like you’ve somehow failed at adulthood.

I thought 31 would look more… polished.
I didn’t expect to feel this uncertain, this tender, this tired.
But what I’ve come to realise - both in my own life and in the work I do - is that this messy middle space is incredibly normal.
Most people don’t have it all together.
Most people are doing their best with what they have.
And most people are carrying quiet things you can’t see.

Your thirties don’t magically fix everything your twenties broke.
They don’t suddenly erase grief, uncertainty, or burnout.
If anything, they ask you to face those things more honestly.

The Quiet Weight of Expectations

There’s also something about birthdays that amplifies everything you’re already feeling.
If you’re content, you feel extra grateful.
If you’re struggling, you feel like you’re letting yourself down.

When the candles come out and people start singing, there’s a spotlight on your life - even if it’s just in your own mind.
You start comparing.
Measuring.
Questioning.
It’s so easy to turn a celebration into a checklist of all the things you haven’t done yet.

And if you’re someone who’s always been the strong one, the one who keeps it together, birthdays can feel like a mirror you don’t really want to look into.
Especially when your emotions are louder than your energy.
Especially when life feels less like a party and more like a pause.

A Birthday During a Tender Season

Without placing too much weight on personal family matters, I’ll just say this: I’m walking through a tender season.
One that comes with complicated feelings, quiet grief, and the kind of love that stretches you in ways you never expected.

And that tenderness doesn’t always feel birthday-bright.

So yes, I’m 31.
I’m grateful.
But I’m also tired.
A little lost.
A little unsure of what this next chapter looks like.

If You’re Feeling Low on Your Birthday Too…

I want you to know that you’re not alone.

Maybe you’re not where you thought you’d be.
Maybe the people you wish could call you can’t.
Maybe your life looks radically different from the one you imagined - and you’re still learning how to make peace with that.

Whatever it is, I want to remind you of this:

You are not behind.
You are not failing.
You are not broken.

You are growing.
You are evolving.
And you are allowed to have complicated feelings, even on your birthday.

There’s no rule that says you have to feel happy just because it’s the day you were born. You don’t owe anyone a party hat version of yourself.
You’re allowed to have quiet birthdays, soft celebrations, and cake without a smile.

Here’s to the Soft Birthdays

So here’s to the ones who don’t feel like celebrating.
The ones who are still figuring it out.
The ones who feel out of sync with the rest of the world.

Here’s to the birthdays that feel like deep breaths instead of fireworks.

Here’s to you - doing the best you can with what you’ve got.

Because being alive, being here, is still something worth honouring… even if it doesn’t come with a bow.

And if no one has told you today: I’m proud of you. Truly.

- Alley ♡